Welcoming a new baby creates a massive change in family dynamics for obvious reasons, and naturally, the extended family wants to be part of the excitement. It’s lovely to have people who care, but enthusiasm can become a little too pressing if you aren’t careful. Grandparents usually mean well for the most part, yet sometimes their advice from decades ago doesn’t always connect with how we do things today. Also, you’re likely running on very little sleep, so having to defend your choices to an audience is the last thing you want to do.
This is even worse when your in-laws or parents are a little bit touchy and demanding. It’s important to remember that you’re the parent now, and you get to decide how the household runs. It’s uncomfortable to set limits with family, but protecting your peace is necessary for everyone’s well-being. You don’t want to look back on this time and remember the arguments or the stress of hosting people when you just wanted to sleep.
How do you square that circle? In this post, we have some advice that might help:
Set The Ground Rules
Setting expectations before the tension builds up to a breaking point is usually the best way to handle eager relatives. You can gently let them know you aren’t accepting visitors after a certain hour, or you prefer they call before coming over. Neither is too much to ask. Remember that protecting your space isn’t rude, and most reasonable people will understand you need time to recover as a new family. It’s easier to be firm now than to try and pull back on something later if the norm has been set.
We’d suggest you can frame the rules around the baby’s needs, which usually softens the blow there. Saying the little one gets overstimulated easily could help them understand why quiet time is needed, and it puts the focus on the child’s wellbeing, which is something everyone can agree on without taking it personally.
Present A United Front With Your Partner
It’s essential that you and your partner are on the same page about boundaries, because mixed signals are easily exploited. If one of you is firm and the other caves to pressure, the in-laws will naturally go to the person who says yes.
If it’s their parents, they can speak to them privately to explain the new rules, which causes less friction than if the message came from you. Just remember this is a team effort and you should be backing one another up. If they don’t understand, be clear about how their insistence is making you feel. Don’t hide it or stew on it. Be honest. It will help.
Redirect Their Energy
In-laws usually push because they want to feel useful and involved in the process, and it helps to give them a task keeping them busy but out of your way. Asking them to pick up groceries or fold a basket of laundry gives them a sense of purpose and they’ll feel wanted too. If they’re pushy, it channels the desire to help into something genuinely useful for you.
This way, they get to contribute, and you get a few chores taken off your plate. It’s a rare win-win for everyone involved because they feel needed but not for taking over the parenting duties. It also changes the dynamic from them supervising you to them supporting you.
Use The Child’s Doctor As A Buffer
Ultimately it’s very tiring to argue about parenting practices, so it helps to blame the doctor. If your mother-in-law insists on blankets in the crib or solid food too early, you can simply say the doctor advised against it. It removes the personal aspect of the rejection because you’re just following medical orders that way, and they can’t really come back against it.
Moreover, it’s hard for them to argue with a medical professional, and it saves you from having to defend your research. You can nod and agree that things have changed, but you have to follow the guidelines. It might save you from a fight. If they ask to speak to the doctor, you’re more than within your rights to say no.
Protect The Sleep Schedule
Sleep is the most precious resource any parent has (one under the time they have with their little loved one), and having visitors disrupt that schedule is frustrating. It’s hard enough figuring out when do babies transition to two naps without someone questioning why the baby is sleeping again or trying to wake them up to play. You have to be the gatekeeper of the nap schedule if they’re getting involved, and it’s okay to be rigid here.
If you’re unapologetic, you can tell them visits need to happen during wake windows only. If they arrive while the baby sleeps, they wait quietly or come back another time, and will likely listen to you. Just be firm if they complain because sleep really isn’t worth messing up.
Keep Visits Short & Sweet
We’d say it’s wise to put a time limit on visits so you don’t feel trapped in your own home. You can mention upfront you have an appointment or you need to nap at a specific time, which should set an endpoint for the interaction before they walk through the door.
If you’re not careful, family can linger for quite some time, so it’s always worth giving yourself a bit of buffer room so you can unwind. Is that unethical? Not really, it’s part of your daily management, even if you have something of a white lie or if you’re not going to go to bed at the exact time you said. Of course, it’s not healthy to restrict all access, but giving them a few hours or so is more than enough if they’re not living with you.
With this advice, we hope you can more easily cope with pushy in-laws when caring for your newborn, and decide why and how this is the best route forward for your needs.